Review: BRIDE WARS (10)
(Originally published by Chud.com)
I don’t know why you’re reading this review. Either you’re the sort of person who is inclined to see Bride Wars, in which case I don’t imagine much could stop you. Or you’re not, in which case you’re probably more interested in knowing whether or not The Unborn is crappy enough to earn ten bucks and half a flask of Jack. Or perhaps you thought this was something else, and your eye just skipped over the poster there to the right, like it would if you found a Polaroid of your naked aunt in dad’s sock drawer.
Anyway, I saw this thing. I’m going to write a few hundred words about it, and for a minute we can all pretend not to live in a reality where this movie couldn’t be more critically bulletproof if it was sitting behind the Pope shield. If only this was as easy as writing “the dog dies – 4 out of 10” and moving on. Read the rest of this entry →
The grand idea behind Valkyrie, director Bryan Singer’s first non-superhero feature since 1998’s Apt Pupil, is “Nazis weren’t all bad.” Paul Verhoeven successfully mined similar ground in Black Book, and with two of Valkyrie’s actors, Carice van Houten and Waldemar Kobus, but there’s still plenty of material to explore. With the added resonance of catching Tom Cruise partway through a career resurgence (courtesy of Tropic Thunder) all Singer needed was a taut script to keep the gears moving in time. 
I’ll say this for 
This isn’t exactly a normal review. After I slumped out of my screening of 
Quick: name the director with the best comic timing of 2008. A lot of obvious names come to mind, and when I’m off the blood simple high that currently clouds my judgment I’m sure I’ll be able to settle down and agree that it is Ben Stiller or David Gordon Green, maybe David Wain or Jody Hill or someone else I’m completely glossing over. But right now, my answer is Lexi Alexander.
The country’s tourism board may have sunk a tidy sum into the picture, but Australia, the return of Moulin Rouge director Baz Luhrman, is less a commercial for travel than a plea for tolerance. Alongside the gorgeous landscapes and simmering love story between Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman is the story of prejudice against half-caste Aboriginal children and, by extension, all of the continent’s original residents. But while Luhrman’s intent is admirable, he seems to realize that the only way to tell a tale of social consciousness is to wrap it in a fantasy. 
Purists complained when Daniel Craig was cast as 007 (A blonde Bond?!?), but the semi-reboot Casino Royale proved them wrong. Craig’s take on Bond turned out to be lean and vicious. He’s a far cry from any other version of the character, but no less magnetic. Apply Trainspotting’s assessment of Sean Connery’s Bond years: He’s a muscular actor. Too bad the muscles are most of what Craig has to leverage in his second turn, Quantum of Solace. 
“Bad play, Leo.” That’s Gabriel Byrne to Albert Finney in 
The best thing that can be said for the third Mummy movie is that it is slightly better than the new Indiana Jones movie, though that’s more of a slap in the face to George Lucas than a kiss on the Mummy’s cheek. When Alex (Luke Ford), son of hero Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser), uncovers the dusty tomb of the Chinese Dragon Emperor, he triggers the sort of cascading traps often found in movieland burial sites. Sure, they’re all cribbed from the first three Indy movies, but they’re at least presented with the verve Crystal Skull lacked. 
A seven-film series based on C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia must have once seemed like a great idea. Disney executives wanted something to compare to Warners’ Harry Potter films, and Narnia had the makings of a slam dunk. But lacking Potter’s clear storyline and well-chosen cast, this series is already struggling. Director Andrew Adamson returns for this second installment, but rather than extending the appeal of the first, he’s opted for a dark, dull tone inspired by the Lord of the Rings.